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This week, we are continuing our journey through Lent and our journey of wrestling with what type of renovation God might be calling us to be open to in our lives.
This week’s chapter is entitled, “Crying and Building.” The final line of the chapter says, “It starts with tears…almost every time.” As I thought of this line, I couldn’t help but think of my wedding day. Now maybe you’re thinking I’m talking about those beautiful tears that gently trickle down your cheeks as you and your betrothed are reciting your vows. Well, you would be wrong. I’m talking about the ugly cry tears that happened that morning in my parent’s hotel room.
As I walked into their room that morning, the tears began to flow…and flow. It wasn’t that I was having second thoughts or cold feet. It was the reality of the chapter that was ending—that feeling that I was taking a step of growing up and not being my parents' little girl anymore. As much as I was over-the-moon excited about this next chapter, the grief of leaving the past behind was real.
Author, Jacob Armstrong, tells his own story of tears as his girls went off to the start of a new school year—a joyous change but one that involved its own level of grieving. However, in the chapter, he also describes how tears don’t just come in the positive transitions of life. They also come with the realization that a change needs to happen because things aren’t as they should be in some aspect of our lives or the world around us.
Such was the case with Nehemiah. He was confronted with a situation that he knew needed to change. Though connected to the situation, he also saw it from a distance as well as from a place of privilege—a place where he had relationships and resources to make a difference in this situation. However, doing so would require a huge step of faith—a step out of his comfort zone—to respond to God’s call to participate in what God wanted to do.
The reality of that brought him to tears. We know these tears were for his people…tears at the reflection on the past—that things hadn’t played out as God—or the people—had hoped. But I believe they were also tears that accompanied the realization of what needed to happen…that the change he was called to be a part of would require sacrifice, struggle, and steadfast faith through the ups and downs and in between of renovation. These would likely not be the last tears Nehemiah would shed.
Such is often the case in our lives. Whether the change that we know needs to happen is one by choice or by circumstance—it still requires steps of faith…steps of leaving behind what is familiar…and stepping into the unknown…steps of letting go of what is for what could be. No matter how positive that vision for the next step might be, that doesn’t mean it is without grief or fear, alternatively, tears.
Maybe you’re experiencing some of those tears right now. Perhaps they’re tears because you realize that “growing up” means letting go. Maybe they’re tears that come because you know God is calling you to take a step to change the trajectory of a relationship, a habit, a career, or some other part of your life. Alternatively, maybe they’re tears because you know that its time to use what God has given you—wisdom, resources, connections, a voice—to take action in your church, your community or your world. And all of that requires risk and vulnerability and courage that you’re not sure you have.
My prayer is that we would welcome these tears as tears of cleansing—clearing away whatever voices say that renovation is too difficult, that growth is too hard, or that letting go and moving forward is too painful—clearing your heart to hear God’s voice say that, “Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning” (Psalm 30:5). That “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28) and that from the pain of the cross and the darkness of Holy Saturday comes to the joy of resurrection.
I pray they would be tears of a reminder of our connection with God’s people throughout time—people whose tears have moved them to a faithful response to God’s call.
And I pray they would be tears of holy anointing—giving us the courage to face the future unafraid as we offer our hearts and our lives to continually be renovated by the Spirit of God at work in and through us…and our tears.
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